A MOMENT WORTHY OF TEARS by Pennie Hunt

I loaded my three children into the van, jumped in the driver’s seat, and drove away. Looking in my rear-view mirror, I saw her standing in the driveway, waving and crying. I was exhausted from moving and ready to drive to my new home and begin the task of unpacking and settling into a new world 45 miles away from my mom.

For years I had lived in the same community as my parents. Close enough to have Sunday dinners at her house and drop my kids off for her to watch when I​ did errands. I was only going to be 45 miles away. I didn’t think this move was tear​-worthy. But my mom waved and cried.

To be honest, I looked forward to it. At that time, 45 miles meant it would be a long-distance phone call. (If you don’t know what that means, ask someone who remembers when our phones were attached to the wall.) I looked forward to not answering a call from her 3 times a day and not having her stop to see me every day on her way home from work. Both could feel a bit smothering. I looked forward to being a bit more autonomous.

As I drove, another memory filled my mind. This was the same view I remembered of my grandmother standing in her driveway, waving and crying when my parents loaded my siblings and me into the Pontiac station wagon and we drove away. That was a 2-day, 1080-mile trip that we made once a year to Illinois to see her. The same goodbye scene happened every year. And every year, my grandmother stood in the driveway waving and crying.

This week was a new version of the same scene. My daughter’s family drove down the driveway on their way to their new home, 2 ½ hours away. I did my hugs and goodbyes and left their house a short while before they did. I couldn’t handle watching my 3 grandsons climb into their van and drive away. I couldn’t bear to be standing alone in the driveway waving and crying. I needed to cry alone.
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I know the saying about how we are supposed to give our children (and grandchildren) roots and wings. Roots so they remember where they came from. The deep-seated knowing of family, values, and identity. The understanding of who they are. And wings to fly on their own with the freedom to explore the world. To be independent and have the courage to follow their dreams and pursue their goals. It is the circle of life.
 
I know my daughter’s family will be fine. My daughter and son-in-law will enjoy new opportunities. The boys will immerse themselves in a new school. They will all thrive and grow in their new community. 
 
Selfishly, I will miss them. I will miss dinners at my house. I’ll miss lunches and pedicures with my daughter. I’ll miss picking my grandchildren up from school, Saturday movies, and the occasional one-on-one dinner dates with them. I will miss the comfort of knowing they are 11 minutes away.
 
And today I understand how my grandmother felt. I understand how my mom felt. I understand their deep sadness, the empty feeling, and the immediate loneliness as they waved and cried. 
 
After I moved away from living close to my mom, I never moved back. Turns out I missed the Sunday dinners, her phone calls, and her stopping at my house after work. The circle of life is a hard loop to close. Yes, occasionally I will make the 2 ½ hour trip to see my daughter and grandsons, and they will do the same to see me, but it will never be the same. The circle has closed.

Some moments are worthy of tears. 
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                                                   Pennie’s Life Lesson:
                                            The circle of life repeats itself.
                                            The circle can be hard to close.
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​YOUR TURN...        
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