Gratitude would land on a list of the most used words today. I don’t think we can go through a day without using it, reading it, or hearing it.

I am a huge believer in gratitude. I teach gratitude techniques and promote gratitude as a happiness builder. I believe people are trying to be more grateful and incorporate the practice of gratitude into their lives.

Gratitude journals and gratitude lists have become common in our daily routines. But I have one question… Do you practice selective gratitude?

It is easy to be grateful when all is right with our world, when everything is going our way, and when others are acting the way we want them to. Is your gratitude conditional on your expectations of how life should be? Selective gratitude is contingent on our criteria and judgment of how closely life mirrors our expectations of what we deserve and want.

Pain occurs when life doesn’t meet our expectations. It is hard to be grateful when we are in pain. It is much easier to allow anger and fear to block our gratitude and hide our blessings during hard times. All blessings do not bless the same way. No matter what happens there are good things about every situation. There is always something that we can be grateful for.

There may be a delay in seeing the blessing, but eventually, we will begin to feel glimmers of gratitude. In school, we had to take a test before we received an A. Sometimes testing comes before appreciation. At times we struggle before we are given the ability to see the lesson and the blessing.

During those difficult times, our selective gratitude tries to take over. We begin evaluating things by our criteria and judgment. We begin listening to our selective thoughts. Thoughts are real to us when we are thinking them, but are they true? We think it is a real thought, but is it true and possible?  Or is it our imagined perfection of how people should act, and life should be? Our imagination is good at overwhelming us into believing nothing bad will happen and the expectation that life is perfect. When it doesn’t work out that way, anger and fear jump in to smoother our gratitude.

Concentrate on what is right in your life, not what is wrong. What you are grateful for, not what you didn’t get or don’t have. Even if you failed at something you can be grateful that you tried. Be grateful when you (or someone else) make a mistake, because when mistakes happen- lessons are learned. Be grateful for the test, for the struggle, and for the learning. If a tragedy happens in your life, you can be grateful for the love of your friends and family and the way they came together to comfort you. The smallest things in life make a difference. Even if you are in grief and despair be grateful for the small things. It is all in the power of perspective.

Gratitude is not complicated. Don’t allow your gratitude to be contingent on the way others act or the ups and downs of life. What you practice, you grow in. If you practice anger and fear, you grow in anger and fear. If you practice love, forgiveness, and kindness, you will grow in those and yes, if you practice gratitude, you will grow in gratitude.
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There is an energy exchange in life. If you push gratitude out into the world, it will be returned to you. No Contingency, no conditions… just pure, powerful gratitude.  
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                                                           Pennie’s Life Lesson:
                                      Do not make gratitude a selective process.
                                              Make it an unconditional practice. 
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​YOUR TURN...        
Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below.  And please feel free to email me  at:
 [email protected]. 
                                                                 Thank you!  ​
                                      ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                                         All Rights Reserved
                                          Copyright © 2013-2024 Pennie Hunt
                             This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post.  Please keep the entire message intact, including  contact, logo, and copyright information.
​#CornerofSpiritandBrave  #loveyourlifenomatterwhat  #JourneyThrough #PennieHunt  #IAmGoodEnough

It was a lonely time. I was going through a divorce. I was living alone for the first time in my life. And it was the holidays.

I stayed with my parents for Christmas, which I usually did, but this year was different. The holidays seemed quieter, less festive, and sad. When it was time to open gifts I sat in a circle with my parents, and family members taking turns opening one gift at a time. When it was my turn, I opened one from my mom, a shiny 12-quart soup pot. I remember hearing a family member say under their breath, what is she going to do with that?

For years I had watched my mom make soup. She would begin in the morning happily browning meat and chopping vegetables to fill her pot. She would open her cabinet of mystery spices, adding shakes and pinches from different bottles until she was happy with the taste. The lid went on the pot and within hours the slow simmering smell filled the house. The kitchen window would fog over from the steam and the house felt like a cozy home. The scene was delicious.

The magical blend of spices and smells created many more servings than our family could eat. My mom would happily take some to the neighbors and drive across town with plastic containers of soup for friends. She loved inviting people over for pots of soup, crispy crackers, and warm bread.

I had wanted a soup pot like my mom’s. I wanted to create the same feeling of home for my family. Years went by without a soup pot and now living alone and cooking for one, this seemed like an odd gift.

I opened the pot and heard oohs and aahs as I showed it to everyone in the circle. Tucking it back in the box I silently repeated to myself, what will I do with that?
The soup pot stayed in the box on a shelf in my laundry room. Much like the pot, I sat alone and isolated in my apartment for months. 

Then one day when I was tired of eating ramen noodles and pouring a bowl of Cheerios for one, I looked at the soup pot. I took it down and washed it. It sat on my stove top with a shine that made the darkness of my kitchen seem happier. I looked through my cookbooks for soup recipes, went to the store, and came home with all the ingredients I needed. I began browning meat and chopping vegetables. I added them to the pot with broth and then began adding spices. I remembered some my mom used and added some from the recipes. I stirred and tasted. Stirred and tasted.
 
The lid went on and soon the simmering smell steamed the windows. The sterile emptiness of my little apartment began to feel cozy. It felt like home. When it was done, I filled plastic containers. I took some to neighbors and friends. The delivery included chatting and laughter. When I returned home, I enjoyed my own bowl of delicious contentment. 

Over the years soup has become one of my favorite things to create and serve. I make chili and chowders, vegetable soup, and stews. The process of chopping, tasting, simmering, and sharing is therapeutic for me.

For years I watched my mom make soup. But it wasn’t until I began making it myself that I understood why she gave me the soup pot when she did. She knew that I felt isolated and alone. She also knew that soup had a healing power that went far beyond the idea of chicken soup helping a cold. The healing was in the chopping and the spices. In the simmering and the sharing. She knew that the pot held more than I could eat and that I would invite others to share the soup with me. She knew it would push me not to be alone. During the hardest times my mom knew that more than anything, I needed a feeling of home in my heart. I needed comfort and connection. I needed a soup pot. 
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                                                        Pennie’s Life Lesson:
       Moms teach lessons of comfort, connection, and home in simple ways. 
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​YOUR TURN...        
Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below.  And please feel free to email me  at:
 [email protected]. 
                                                                 Thank you!  ​
                                      ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                                         All Rights Reserved
                                          Copyright © 2013-2024 Pennie Hunt
                             This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post.  Please keep the entire message intact, including  contact, logo, and copyright information.
​#CornerofSpiritandBrave  #loveyourlifenomatterwhat  #JourneyThrough #PennieHunt  #IAmGoodEnough

This summer my husband and I will celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary. We were together 10 years before that, so we have practiced what does, and doesn’t, work in our relationship for a substantial amount of time. My husband says marriage is a team sport. I agree and will share a​ few relationship secrets that work for us.

We realized long ago that we are a team, and teams need a name. Ours is team Ken/Pen. Creating a name, saying it out loud, and using it in your life creates an understanding of being together. It is not me and you, it is US. We are a team, and the team needs a unified name. You could use your last name or pick something meaningful to you both. Name your team.   

Be friends. Best friends. Friendship is a nonjudgmental, trusted space where you can tell secrets, share fears, create dreams, and feel secure and safe. Never forget you were friends first.

Remember your partner is not a clone of you. They are your best friend and teammate. You can have interests and friends outside of the team. Individuality is important. You can like different kinds of pizza and enjoy different types of music and movies. Have your own interests, hobbies, and connections. You don’t have to do everything together, but never forget that your home base is the team.

When my kids were young, their grandfather would tell them, “If you are going to fight, fight nice.”  When you get angry, never forget your teammate is not your enemy. Teammates don’t fight. They isolate the problem and work together to find a solution. Remember that you are fighting for – a resolution and mutual happiness. If you disagree don’t call each other names or use hurtful words. Words spoken in anger will remain in your partner’s mind long after the argument. Over time, the layering of hurt from arguments can destroy relationships. We always remember this saying, that is not the way people who love each other talk to each other.”  If your words will jeopardize the relationship, be silent. If you are going to fight, fight nice.

Be polite. Years ago, I witnessed how a woman I worked with interacted with her husband.  I saw how polite she and her husband were to each other. They used words like, please, thank you, and excuse me. Remember those are the words we learned as toddlers and we use them with friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, but we slack when it comes to using them with the one we love the most- our partner. Being respectful and polite with your partner makes a difference!

Play and laugh. Life can become filled with, well, life.  Work, obligations, and responsibilities can take over our time and energy. Always allow time for fun and memory-making. Go out for dinner, or a movie, go bowling, or skiing, take weekends away from all the life stuff. Be silly. Laugh at yourself. Laugh together. When you play, you restore your relationship’s energy. Teams need play time.

It's the little things. When I put laundry in the washer and walk away to do something else, my husband will hear the timer buzz and put the laundry in the dryer for me. We pay attention and help each other in small ways. Teams work together.

Support the bench. The bench is the backup team. The people that add to your relationship. The bench holds the children, family, and friends that are attached to both of you. They are your supporters and cheerleaders. Respect each other’s backup team.

Check in. Once a month or week, check in with each other. We call this our “15 minutes.” We put away all distractions. We take turns telling each other how our partner has made us happy, lifted our spirits, and how they have made us feel loved. We also sift through the things that didn’t work so well. What disappointed us or hurt our hearts​. It is a safe time for discussion. Your team is worth Fifteen Minutes!

What do all these ideas have in common? Communication. This is what bonds the team members together. Try some of these ideas from our playbook in your relationship. GO TEAM!
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                                                   Pennie’s Life Lesson:
                           Relationships are a team sport. Support the team! 
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