​BEING A MOTHERLESS DAUGHTER IS HARD by Pennie Hunt

​Before I began covering my freckles and brightening my lips, I reached for my phone. I thought I would dial her number, put the phone on speaker, and chat while I did my makeup​ - like I had done every morning for years.

Then I realized… There was no one to call. My mom passed away almost 6 years ago, but there are moments I forget she is gone. I reached for the phone to catch her up on my day, tell her some good news, or just say, hi.

Sometimes I feel guilty about the times I didn’t want to talk to her and didn’t answer her 3rd phone call of the day. Guilty for not visiting her more over the years. And guilty for occasionally being mean to her when I was young, like teenagers do.

I remember as a child being upset with her when she didn’t buy Nestle Quick at the grocery store and telling me it was out of stock.

I remember being angry at her because she left for work before my siblings and I were out of bed. We were expected to get up when the alarm went off, get dressed, eat breakfast (usually Pop-Tarts), do dishes, make our beds, and walk to school. I wanted her there to make pancakes and fix my hair in the morning like my friend’s stay-at-home moms did. I wanted her there when I came home so I could smell cookies that she had just baked. I wanted her there to listen to stories about my day.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized she didn’t buy the Nestle Quick because that was a luxury our family couldn’t afford. It wasn’t until I had kids of my own that

I realized how hard it was for her to leave us in the darkness of morning and drive 30 minutes to get to work, work all day and on Friday’s shop for weekly groceries for a family of 5, and then come home and cook dinner.

It took me years before I gave her the credit she deserved for being both mom and dad to 3 kids when my dad went on temporary duty with the Air Force. It wasn’t until I was married, had 3 kids of my own, and moved several times that I realized how hard it was for her to be responsible for relocating our family when my dad received transfer orders.​ The packing, the cleaning, the selling of a home, and finding a new one. Not to mention dealing with unhappy kids, saying goodbye to our friends and her’s, settling us into new schools and her into a new job.  

Being a motherless daughter is hard. When you no longer have a mom, you think of her every day. The memories of those days of not having a mom who had cookies ready for me after school or not having chocolate in my milk are faded and far away.  
Today, when I reached for the phone to talk to her, I remembered as a child, no matter how many times I called her at work, she would always answer.  

I remember her as a grandmother to my children and how she loved them, spoiled them, and how at times she went above and beyond any sense of ‘grandma duty’ to help and support them.

In the last years of her life, I called her every morning as I was putting on my makeup. She would always answer the phone. I would put the phone on speaker and let her repeat the same comments and ask the same questions. I answered each one as if I hadn’t heard it repeated 3 times during the conversation.

She would tell me about her dog and her bird feeder, and if she could remember, she would tell me what she had for breakfast. During every conversation, she would ask me when I was coming to visit.

Now I realize she wanted her version of someone being home for her. She wanted me to sit next to her and hold her hand while I listened to stories about her day. A glass of chocolate milk and a freshly baked cookie for her wouldn’t have hurt.
Today, as I reached for the phone, the truth hit me. She was always there for me, even when I thought she wasn’t.

Being a motherless daughter is hard.
                                     ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                                         Pennie’s Life Lesson:
                                                     Be grateful for your mom.
                     There will be a day when she isn’t there to answer the phone. 
                                        ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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YOUR TURN...        
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                                      ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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