How Fathering Has Evolved - A Tribute to Fathers Then and Now by Pennie Hunt

My dad spent a large part of his life serving in the Air Force. His life and fathering style was very structured. My siblings and I were not allowed to sleep late on the weekends or summer vacation. Around 8 AM, my dad would turn on his reel-to-reel tape deck and play loud music to wake us up. Once up, we were expected to make our beds, do our breakfast dishes, and get dressed and ready for the day. There wasn’t time for lounging in front of Saturday morning cartoons. We always had a list. A list of chores to do that day. We were expected to produce outcomes by completing the list.
 
If we were invited to dinner at a restaurant or to someone’s home, we were given instructions on being polite, being quiet, and how we were expected to behave. During the instruction time, there was no arguing. No giving input. No two-way conversation. We listened. And we followed the directions.
 
Don’t get me wrong, my father was a kind and caring man, and I had a great childhood. My most precious memories are of playing for hours in the sandbox, swimming at the community pool, and riding bikes for miles across town. Our family camping adventures included water skiing, and fishing, in beautiful spaces of nature. The fun times came after work and chores were completed.
 
Over the years, fathering has changed. I have watched a very different style of fathering from my family's youngest generation of fathers. It isn’t a my-way-or-no-way approach. It is a new involved, participatory, compassionate method.

More than once, I have watched my son-in-law invite one of his boys to leave the dining table and chat with him. He would listen to their comments about the situation and then speak calmly and kindly to his sons. He would help them recognize the problem with how they were acting and together they would come to an understanding of how behaving differently would be a better choice. It was magic to watch.
 
I have seen my son join his daughter’s dance group on stage and participate in a daddy-daughter routine. I have received photos resembling prom night of him accompanying his girls to dances at school. Over the years he has dressed up with them for Halloween and as the girls grew the costumes grew more elaborate. 
 
I have heard reports from my stepson about his role on the PTA of his children’s school and the support he gives to the high school football team.
I have been in awe of the mother of my granddaughter who after my son passed away has held the role of both mom and dad for her. This dual duty has been difficult at times, but she has proudly and purposefully done it exceptionally well.
 
These parents have coached little league and basketball teams. They have attended dance recitals, theater productions, piano, band, and orchestra recitals, school programs, volleyball and lacrosse games, cross-country runs, ski races, and swim competitions.
 
These fathering styles are all very different than the way I was raised. And they have all produced amazing, productive, talented, strong, intelligent, caring, and kind children. So, to these fathers, I thank you for your wisdom in understanding that fathering has changed over the years. Thank you for understanding that each child is different and at times fathering needs to be adapted to the individual child. Thank you for the love and kindness you hold in your hearts because loving and kind people create loving and kind children- and you have done just that. Thank you for being such awesome role models.
 
If my father were alive, I would thank him for being the man he was. Without him, I wouldn’t love to get up in the morning in time to see the sunrise. I wouldn’t know how to water ski or understand the joy of camping in the rain. I wouldn’t value and respect those who live life in the military and their sacrifice of being away from their families. Without him, I wouldn’t understand the importance of doing the work that needs to be done and also enjoying the fun in life. Without him, I would not be the person I am. 
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                                       Pennie’s Life Lesson:
                                    Be grateful for the ones who father you.
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YOUR TURN...        
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