The No-Fault Zone: How to Nurture Your Closest Connections by Pennie Hunt

A geological fault line is a long crack in the earth's surface. Earthquakes typically occur along fault lines. The U.S. Geological Survey works with hundreds of scientists and engineers to find these fault lines and create maps of their locations. These faultfinders watch the areas closely for any negative change. Any movement they notice is analyzed, critiqued, evaluated, and judged.

Have you met any faultfinders in your life? Not the geological kind, but the kind you meet or are with every day? Are you one?   

Fault-finders obsessively find fault in others. They often criticize, complain, and judge others based on trivial issues. Fault-finders are constantly telling others what they are doing wrong or what they should be doing. No one is ever good enough for their standard of perfection. And they love to blame. Nothing is ever their fault or mistake. There is always someone else to blame and shower with shame. Any negative movement is noticed and called out. They keep a mental spreadsheet mapping all the faults they find in other people.
 
This type of fault-finding is not a way to nurture a relationship. How often do you watch your spouse, partner, children, family member, or friend and call them out on what they are doing wrong? Even making a mental note of it is detrimental to the relationship. Do you mind-map your partner's most sensitive fault lines knowing that if you point them out it could cause an argument? A relationship earthquake!
 
What if you took this challenge- pick one person in your life- preferably the person you are closest to and for one week do not point out or verbalize anything they do wrong. Please don't comment on anything that is not up to your standards. Don’t criticize, complain, or judge them or their actions. Do not blame anyone for anything. Do not even say the words, fault or blame. Do you think you could do that for one week? Seven short days?
 
It would be interesting, because you may not have consciously been doing this, but when you are paying attention, you will become very aware of how often you are mentally judging this person. You will become aware of how often you are verbally correcting things they do or criticizing how they do it.
 
You will also become very aware of how often they are finding fault with you. When you are intentionally not fault-finding, I believe you will find your relationship improving.
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When you stop using mental maps of where the most tender fault lines are in your relationship in a negative way, you can use the knowledge to safeguard and protect these weaknesses and imperfections in you and them.  
 
For one week be in the ‘no fault zone.’ Remember when you first got married, the first time you locked eyes with your child, the first time you laughed with your friend… you weren’t looking for their faults. You were noticing what you loved about them. What you concentrate on grows. When you stop concentrating on faults and begin concentrating on a person’s good qualities and what they do right, you will appreciate and love them more and more. You will see their faults less and less. Your fault-finding may turn into love-finding.
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                                                   Pennie’s Life Lesson:
                            Look for the good in others, not their faults. 
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YOUR TURN...        
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