THEIR OKAY IS NOT MY OKAY by Pennie Hunt

Do you ever visit someone’s home and it may not be as tidy as you think it should be?  Or you see someone’s house and think it is sterile and immaculate – more like an opulent museum than a livable home. In both circumstances, they are okay with how they live, but you are uncomfortable and are not okay with being there. Their okay is not your okay.

Have you had a friend who was so overjoyed when something good happened to them and you didn’t understand the importance of it? Or have you shared a happy event with someone and they seemed less than interested? Their joy is not your joy.
Have you ever known someone who has been stuck in trauma for years? You can’t understand why it continues to be so painful for them. Maybe you are suffering and are tired of people telling you that you need to get over it, move on, and forget about it. Their pain is not your pain.

In all of these scenarios, one person is using their own standards, values, and beliefs to judge the other person’s feelings, emotions, and lifestyle. This is not fair. We can only use our standards, values, and beliefs to judge ourselves and our lifestyle.

When we compare and contrast our beliefs and standards to how other people act and live, we are judging. The results of this judgment are not good. Either we look at them as less than us because they do not live up to our beliefs and standards. Or we feel inferior or envious of them because they are on a level above us. When this judgment occurs, everyone is uncomfortable.  

Everyone gets to make choices in life. They get to choose where and how they live. They get to choose the lifestyle that fits their needs. They get to choose what makes them happy and brings them joy. And they get to express that joy in the way they want to. They get to decide what is okay for them.

Trauma, heartache, and pain may not be something any of us choose, but the way we process it is. We all feel pain differently. The way we carry it is unique to each of us.
We may not agree on how life should be lived. None of us are right or wrong. There is no best way or bad way to get through this life. We all do it in our own way. What is working and okay with one person may be off-the-charts unacceptable to another. But guess what, it is all okay.

Comparing your standards to others is a lot of work. Constantly judging others against your life drains your energy. The next time you are ready to have a verbal explosion about how someone is living or how what they are doing (in your opinion) is totally wrong, stop yourself and remember this simple little mantra…their okay is not my okay.

It will slow you down. Stop you from judging. And it will simplify your life. Everyone gets to make their own life choices. Make sure that your choices are okay with you. Let the choices other people make be okay with them. It is all okay.  
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                                                 Pennie’s Life Lesson:
                 The next time you are ready to judge someone, remember this:
                                                Their okay is not my okay. 
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YOUR TURN...        
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                             This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
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