What Stuff Are You Hiding? By Pennie Hunt

I keep kicking the box that is under my desk. Every time I sit down to check emails or write, I kick it. It is an annoyance that is always in my way. I created it. I put it there. I am responsible for it, and it irritates me.

I am not even sure how long it has been there, but I do remember the day. I was tidying up my office​ in preparation to speak for a virtual event. I needed the background of what the viewers would see to be a tidy office. So, I grabbed a box and began filling it up. I threw in papers. I threw in notes and greeting cards. I threw in photos and knick-knacks. Then I put it on the floor and used both feet to push it under my desk out of view. 

It has lived there ever since. No one sees it, but every day I kick it, and I am reminded that I need to take care of it.

I remember visiting my mom in her last years and finding similar boxes hidden in her closets. I would ask her about them, and she would brush it off with nonchalant comments like, “Oh, I will get to that later.” When I dug into her boxes, I would find unpaid bills, important documents, and information that should have been responded to months before.

Yikes! Could I be turning into my mother?

In my defense, I know that my box does not contain anything important. All my bills are paid, and important documents are neatly organized in my very colorful filing system.

The truth is that my box could probably be put out for the garbage pick-up tomorrow, and I wouldn’t need or miss one thing. It is just stuff. The truth is also that I could fill up a few more boxes in my house and either slide them under my desk for safekeeping or throw them all out in the garbage tomorrow.

But here are the haunting questions I am asking myself. Why did I have all of that cluttering my office when I didn’t need it? And why do I feel the need to keep it hidden out of sight, so no one sees it?

My mom struggled with dementia for several years before she passed. I believe she hid her boxes of stuff so no one would scold her for not paying bills and keeping on top of tasks. She felt overwhelmed by the thought of organizing it. She also forgot how to pay bills and no longer understood the reason for any of it.

I am not there. My box is more of a byproduct of my busy life and not taking the time to do the save-donate-keep method that the professional organizers do on television shows. My box came to be in a rush to be ready and prepared for my virtual event. It was my throw-and-hide method. 

If I'm honest, I have used this method for other things. I am an emotional stuffer and have a few things hidden and stuffed deep in my heart from past hurts and events. It is mingled with guilt caused by mistakes I have made.

I have an imaginary box hiding in the corner of my head that I have stuffed a couple of people inside, whom I struggle to forgive. It is easier to hide that box.
 I have tidy, cared-for plastic tubs of memories stuffed full of items that belonged to people I loved who are no longer here.

I am wondering if I am alone in this stuffing and hiding method. I doubt it. I bet you join me in this. Now, together, let’s all go kick, clean out, organize, or throw away one box of stuff!
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                                                       Pennie’s Life lesson:
                 It is easy to hide the physical and emotional stuff in our lives.
​                             Until we clean it out, we will continue to kick it.  
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​YOUR TURN...        
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