​You Can Be Mad, but don’t be mean… by Pennie Hunt

It takes a lot to get me mad. I layer. I layer little things, and I layer big things in my heart and in my mind. When small actions hurt me, I tuck them in. When big things happen, I lay them in my heart out of view. I rarely speak about what is bothering me or share my pain. I layer them one on top of another and another until one day… one day it erupts.

When the layering becomes too much, and my heart can’t hold any more I will purge everything. All the layers ooze out of me. It could be years of pain that spills from me. This can be in the form of a long ugly cry. It could pour out in a verbal dumping of thoughts. On a rare occasion, it could be a boiling-over of anger. Even on those rare occasions, my anger is fairly mild. It doesn’t happen often, and I am not proud of it when it does.  

I envy people who can immediately voice their opinions and say what they feel. They are constantly cleansing. They don’t allow the residue to build. I don’t enjoy hurting anyone’s feelings or making anyone mad. I do not like arguing. I avoid conflict. There are so many other positive ways of communicating. I would much rather spend my life happy, helpful, and caring. It is not that I am passive – I just don’t let small things bother me. I have been through some big stuff- I know what is important and what isn’t. I know what is worth spending anger on.

I do not like the feeling of anger or of being mad. It takes a lot to push me to that point. When I am pushed to that point, my typical explosion is not harmful or hateful. I just lay out the facts of my layers in the way I see them.

I don’t envy the ones who turn getting mad into being mean. You know the ones. The people who instead of voicing what is bothering them or expressing calmly why they feel hurt, disrespected, or unseen they pour out their anger in an aggressive way and become mean. They throw hateful words and thrash from one thing to another allowing the anger to build and grow into much more than a disagreement. I believe in their mind, it is war.

The problem with this type of angry personality is they become better at it. With every outburst they become stronger and learn how to throw more daggers the next time. They learn how to be meaner. I call them scrappers. They love to debate. They love to argue. They love to fight. They love to hold grudges. They seem to enjoy being mean.

We all have different levels of tolerance. We all receive, internalize, and voice anger and disappointment in different ways. It may be easy to recognize someone else’s traits—it can be much harder to recognize our own. We all become angry from time to time. That is okay and normal. But remember, you can get mad, but don’t get mean.

We store everything in our bodies. Whether you layer emotions or you belt out your feelings in a mean way -- we all store emotions and the aftermath of all those emotions in our hearts and bodies. It is your choice how you choose to process and react to situations. It is your choice what emotions you want to get better at. It is your choice what you do when you get mad. And it is your choice what emotions you want stored in your heart.
 
Pennie’s Life Lesson: You can get mad, but don’t get mean. 

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YOUR TURN...        
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