I WON’T BE HERE LONG by Pennie Hunt

“I won’t be here to see that.”

It was the last time we were all together.
My two sons had baby girls 8 weeks apart. The babies were lying on a blanket, cooing and looking at each other in the sweetest way. My oldest son said to his younger brother,
“J.T., it is going to be so fun watching these two grow up.”

J.T. responded with, “I won’t be here to see that.”

His older brother got angry and said, “Why do you always say that? Stop saying that!”
J.T. matter-of-factly shrugged his shoulders and said, “Because I know I won’t be here that long.”

I think he was about 5 years old the first time I heard him say it. I don’t remember the circumstance, but I remember the shock I felt hearing it. Why would a 5-year-old say that, and what would make him come up with such a statement? I didn’t question him, but I never forgot his words, “I won’t be here that long.”

Over the years, it became a statement he recited many times. Not as a proclamation or a loud, bold announcement, just a quiet comment in passing at interesting times, when future events were being discussed. I never got used to the comment; I just tucked it in my mind that he had said it again.

Then, one night I had a dream.

My mom made quilts for many members of my family. She made one for J.T. during his cowboy stage. He loved putting on his boots and hat and riding his bouncy horse as he watched the Three Amigos movie. She poured love into this blue western quilt. Each square had a different horse print circled with ropes.

He was in 4th grade when I had the dream. I was at a funeral. I walked around talking to people and then walked up to the casket. As I got closer and closer, the feeling became stronger and stronger – I knew it was one of my children. As I stood at the casket, I couldn’t see a face, but I began tucking a quilt around the inside edges of the wooden box. It was J.T.’s beautiful blue horse quilt. I didn’t need to see the face - I knew who I was tucking in.

I jumped and flew out of bed. The dream was in vibrant color. The clarity was like I was living the experience, not just dreaming. The experience lodged permanently in my heart.

Every time J.T. said he wouldn’t be here long, the dream ran through my mind, clear, in color, and frightening.

This week will be 19 years since J.T. relocated to heaven. That day, watching the sweet babies kick and smile as babies do, was the last time I heard him say he wouldn’t be here long. Four months (122 days) later, he was gone.

How did he know? I believe we all do. Somewhere inside our soul we know how long we will be here. I believe we all have a date. We may leave at different times and in different ways, but we have a date. Our souls know, and some of us know it on a human level more than others. J.T. knew.

As for the dream? Maybe it was to prepare my mama’s heart, who knows, but I do believe we are given signs along the way in this life. Quite soft messages about what is ahead of us. Maybe J.T. and I were given a glimpse of our future in order for us to be grateful for the short time we had together.

Whatever the reason, he was right. He wasn’t going to be here long. The reality is that life isn’t long, no matter how long we live. It goes by in a breath. Twenty-two years isn’t long, but I am grateful for every breath of it.
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                                                     Pennie’s Life Lesson: 
                        Life doesn’t last long. Be grateful for every breath of it.  
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YOUR TURN...        
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