PERCEPTION of PERFECTION

Recently it was pointed out to me that I am not 28 anymore. This message came in two ways.  One from my body as I bent over during a Yoga pose and thought to myself,

      “Whose knees are those?”

Later as I was questioning out loud how my knees have changed, a friend pointed out that my age number no longer begins with a 2. 

When did that happen?  For that matter, how did I rush through 3 and 4?  My friend’s point was, why would I expect to have 28 year old knees when I wasn’t 28 anymore and that I should stop being critical and accept myself and body for the beauty it holds, even if my number now begins with a 5.

Whoa! That set off some major pondering in my head.  Accept myself?  Accept myself?

The first thing I had to do was contemplate what my perception of me at this age and space in my life should be.  What was I willing to accept?

I will admit to being someone who over the years has had a difficult time with the perception of perfection.  I have been the over achiever who wanted to be perfect.  The perfect wife. The perfect daughter.  The perfect mom. The perfect friend.  All my life I have held a perception of what my perfect weight should be, what I should and shouldn't eat, how much I should work out, what I should be doing for others… the list could go on and on.   

Take a minute and visualize the Perception of Perfection you hold for yourself.



Do you have it?  If you are like me it is an over exaggerated, unattainable Perception of Perfection fueled by our own self talk and the world we live in.  The media tells us minute-by-minute how we should look, dress and feel. We buy into this and continually believe we are not good enough.
                 (More on this in my post, Good Enough      
                 http://www.penniehunt.com/1/post/2013/02/good-enough.html)

  Is this realistic?

My pondering has brought me to a place of honesty with myself.   My new mantra is this:
 Pennie’s Perception of Perfection= Honesty, Health and Happiness.

I may not be the same size I was and have the stamina I had at 28, but I look and feel pretty good.  I am healthy and I love my life.  And guess what?  My age number does start with 5 and those are my knees.

Now take out your paper and pen and write your own Perception of Perfection that fits you.
                                                              ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie's Life Lesson: “Our personal Perception of Perfection should be based in Honesty, Health and Happiness.”

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JUST WALK AWAY

Several years ago my son and his daughter came to spend the afternoon with me.  It was one of those days that screamed for ice cream.

Sitting in the booth at Dairy Queen, I watched as my granddaughter’s chubby two year old hand clutched her cone when suddenly the ice cream began dripping down the sides and over her fingers. 

My son, in true fatherly- fashion, leaned over to lick a drip.  Pulling her cone back, she quickly flicked up her other hand in front of his face and said,

     “Just walk away, Daddy!”

Not being all together clear on what I had heard, a mixture of surprise and amusement blurted out of me.

      "What did she say?” I questioned.

My son began chuckling and replied,

     “She said,  JUST WALK AWAY.   They teach the kids to say that in   
     preschool when someone does something they don’t like.  They raise their 
     hand and say just walk away in an attempt to avoid an argument.  She has 
     learned this pretty well and has decided it works at home on us too.”

I couldn't stop thinking of the brilliance of what I had just learned from a 2 year old.  I understand there are times in life when just walking away is not appropriate.  We all have responsibilities and obligations that even when difficulties occur we can’t and shouldn't just walk away from.  But, there are times in life when conflict can be avoided by just walking away.

How many times could we just walk away --even temporarily, to cool down, clear our thoughts and take a mental time out before tackling the problem?

 Think of situations you have experienced that seemed worth and altercation at the time, but in hindsight were minor issues.  Was it really worth complaining about?  Was the scathing letter really worth writing?  Were the words thrown in anger worth the damage they caused?  Right now I am sure replays of regret are running through your mind. 

Can YOU create a Just Walk Away Plan with your spouse, partner or family?  Everyone involved must understand the terms of agreement and the physical code- when the hand goes up and the words, “Just Walk Away” are spoken it means the conversation will suspend and those involved will disengage. 

When tempers cool, circumstances calm and the climate clears then come back together to revisit what happened.  You may find the issue isn't important enough to talk about.  You may find your children will avoid many sizzling sibling battles.  You may find that even small messages can be communicated to save misunderstandings. 

Here’s an example:

I am a morning person.  Before my eyes open my mind is making a mental list of things I want to do, experience and talk about.  I pop up smiling and excited to chatter about the day ahead.

My husband is a night owl.  He prefers to sleep later than I do.  His morning routine is quiet time, coffee and a period of acclimation to the day. Can you see the possibility for conflict here?

We have agreed to our Just Walk Away Plan.  There are mornings when his hand goes up to my happily chattering face.  I quickly realize he is not ready to hear everything that is buzzing in my head.  Once the caffeine has distributed through his body and the morning adjustment time is complete he is thrilled to listen to my overwhelming enthusiasm.

When you adopt and accept this procedure you will be surprised at just how backing off for a while can create a calm space to re-calibrate the situation from a possible conflict into a positive communication experience. You will begin to assess situations quickly and the vision of a hand will go up in your mind’s eye warning you that this may be one of those occasions where it is best to Just Walk Away.

                                                               ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie's Life Lesson:
             “There are times in life when the best option is to Just Walk Away.”

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TURN ON YOUR BLIND SPOT MONITOR

My car has a feature called the Blind Spot Monitor.  When turned on, this life saving invention warns you when a vehicle is detected in your blind spot.  You know, that spot to your side and just over your shoulder that you can’t see.   When a vehicle is detected a warning light flashes in the side mirror to indicate a potentially hazardous lane change.  The light stays on until the vehicle in the blind spot is safely ahead or behind you leaving you free to change lanes.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had a Blind Spot Monitor?  Think about all of the things we don’t see that are hidden in our personal blind spots. You know, that spot to your side and just over your shoulder that you can’t see; OR choose not to. This spot is probably overflowing with items in three categories: actions or failures to act, tolerations and grace.

Actions or failures to act.  When was the last time you did something, even unintentionally, that caused direct or indirect pain?  This is the cause and effect syndrome.  Examples of this include: not following through on promises, telling small untruths, or arriving late to an appointment or event.  Hidden in our personal blind spot is the hurt we cause others by our broken promises, untruths, and undependability.  All of these type of actions that we either take or don’t take fall into this first category.

Tolerations.  Yes, I may have just created a new word.
Definition ala Pennie:
                               Tol-er-a-tions: the people, places, circumstances or things      
                               that cause us to participate in the act of tolerating. 

This could very well put us on the opposite side of the scale from the first category.  We permit people to take advantage of us by breaking promises or telling lies.   We tolerate laziness, sloppy work products, and misbehavior by ourselves and others by pushing it into our blind spot and telling ourselves it isn’t a big deal.  We ignore our own health, fitness and happiness. All of these tolerations fit nicely into our blind spot.

Grace.  This may be the saddest and most important category of all. The idea that so much love, laughter and goodness in life slips into our blind spot where we don’t appreciate them.  They become wasted grace.  Close your eyes and feel hugs from your partner, the laughter of a child, the smile from a stranger, the smell of morning coffee and the wag of your dog’s tail. Yes, I said feel because I want to intentionally stir the emotion these examples of love and grace create.  How many times does grace go unnoticed in a day and huddle in our blind spot?

Now imagine with me what life would be like if we turned on our personal Blind Spot Monitor.  It would flash a beacon in our mind to indicate a potential hazard and guide us into the lane of safety.  When we came close to not following through on a promise the beacon would spark to warn us to change course.  When we tolerated our slipping health or unhappiness the beacon would remind us that loving ourselves is a priority.  And most importantly with every act of grace we encountered the loving light would spotlight the event so we wouldn’t miss it.

Yes, I believe we all have the capacity of this personal life saving feature.  We all have a Blind Spot Monitor. We just need to turn it on and watch for the flashing beacon.
                                                               ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pennie's Life Lesson: “Turn on your personal Blind Spot Monitor to enjoy   
                                                     all of life through  open eyes.”

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WHAT IS YOUR SOUL GOAL?

Goals. We hear about them all the time.  Goals at school.  Goals at work.  Goals for the new year.  Goals for our finances, our love life, and our status.    Goals, goals, goals!

This is not a lecture on how to write a goal and stick to it.  I want you to think about the goal that matters the most – your Soul Goal.   

You may already be neck deep in your life goals.  You are probably already measuring them, tracking them and think you have everything under control. Yet, are you experiencing a little gnawing inside.  Is there a tiny whisper nibbling at your heart?  Has it been there for years, but you have hushed it?

That whisper is your Soul Goal.  The good news is this is one goal you don’t have to write down, track or measure.  You just need to listen to your heart because it is already there.

I believe the soul is the script of all we have been and all we will be.  It has drama, action, comedy, heartbreak and love coded into this personal documentary.  Yes, there is an intended outcome to the story.  I believe the ending to your script is to successfully learn how to love yourself and others.  The Soul Goal is our personal method of how we accomplish that. 

Have you always had a desire to paint, work with animals or heal? 

If we are here to learn how to love ourselves and others and your inner desire is to paint, then you learn to love yourself by painting.  By painting you create art that is a gift you can share with others.  In doing so you touch their hearts.  You love others by creating your art.

If your inner desire is to heal, you may become a doctor, nurse, counselor, or Reiki Master.  You love yourself by following your inner voice and by doing this you heal and love others. You touch their hearts. You love others by healing. 

Do you see how this works?  Your Soul Goal is the technique by which you reach the outcome of loving yourself and others. 

Listen to your whisper.  Pay attention to the gnawing.  If it is unclear what your Soul Goal is – pay attention to when you feel the most alive, happy and content.  This is the criteria for your Soul Goal.  This doesn’t have to be difficult. 

I am a writer and a speaker.  While working through other careers in my life, the whisper, the gnawing was always there.  I would attempt to incorporate snippets of my Soul Goal into my work.  I would speak about my work topics and I would write heart-filled stories and give them as gifts.  I knew when I was doing this I felt the most alive, happy and content.

My Soul Goal is simple.  It is one line:
       To share my life lessons through speaking and writing.
In the process I love myself by doing what makes me feel the most alive.  I love others by reaching out my heart to touch theirs.     

I’m not suggesting you give up all of your other goals.  School, work, family and life goals matter.  I’m not suggesting you quit your job to become a starving artist.

What I am suggesting is that you listen to your heart as it whispers your Soul Goal.  I am suggesting you find a way to incorporate this whisper into your life.

You don’t have to create ideas that you format into action steps and turn these into strategies and objectives.  None of this is necessary.  You can tip toe into accomplishing your Soul Goal.  Take a painting class one night a week.  Volunteer at an animal rescue center or a nursing home.  Whatever your whisper is calling you to do, find a place and begin

Remember, your Soul Goal makes you feel alive, happy and content.  It should be fun!  It should bring you joy! It just takes loving yourself enough to do what your soul is asking you to do.

                                           ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie's Life Lesson:
“When you fulfill your Soul Goal you feel alive, happy and content.”

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What Do You Attribute Your Success To?

Recently I heard a question that made me ponder:

          “What do you attribute your place in life, your success, to?”

Of course I thought of defining moments in my life, graduations, marriage, and the birth of my children. But this was asked in a deeper sense than that. It is one of those questions that should be given careful thought.

For me the answer came swiftly.

I was raised in a military family.  When the word “ORDERS” was mentioned around my house it meant we would be moving. I remember waiting for my Dad to come home from work and running to see if he was carrying the yellow envelope; the one that held the name of the location of our next home.

He would walk in, cocooned in his military green uniform and black shiny boots, whistling and smiling as if he held the secret to the universe in his hand. Once the location was revealed my small bare feet would jump on his shiny boots. He would dance me around the kitchen while the family chattered about dates and logistics of the move.

My Mom, a tiny powerhouse of a woman, was a working mom at a time when most moms weren’t.  With every new set of orders she orchestrated movers, house sales, school transfers, 3 unhappy children and travel. She was tuff, strong and not afraid to stand up for what she believed in.

For me, dancing with my Dad was the only fun part.  Orders meant leaving friends and starting over. I thought for sure that this was child abuse. I remember cleaning out my desk at school; walking to the school office with my Mom to fill out separation paperwork; and saying goodbye to teachers and classmates. I can still breathe the smell of the manila paper and packing boxes the movers used to wrap our belongs before loading them into the moving van.

I can still feel the place in my stomach where fear boiled as I walked into a new school, met new teachers and filled a new desk. Yes, I was certain this was child abuse.

It taught me a valuable lesson--- make friends on the playground or stand alone.

I attribute the place I hold in life and any success I have to this lesson.  I may not have a best friend who has held my hand from preschool to midlife. I may not have a house to visit where I was raised with a wall chalked with my height measurements as I grew.

But, I learned that some lessons come wrapped in pain and discomfort. I learned how to accept change with a whistle and a smile. I learned how to be tuff, strong and not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. I learned how to talk and communicate.  I learned how to tell my story.  I learned that relationships are important. I learned friend building.

Now here is the question for you to ponder:

     “What do YOU attribute your place in life, your success, to?”

                                                         ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pennie's Life Lesson:
                                 Make friends on the playground or stand alone.


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                                       Copyright © 2013 Pennie Hunt
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