When was the first time you felt like you belonged somewhere? Does the memory push you all the way back to your childhood? Your family? Elementary school?
When was the last time you felt like you didn’t belong? Was it recent? Were you embarrassed? Sad? Lonely? Afraid?
Are you part of a group, a team, a school, a club, a crew, a tribe, a family, a religion, a generation or a community? Of course you are. We are all affiliated in some way to a collection of others with a common interest or bond. Humans have a need for inclusion and connection. We fear and avoid isolation. So we join. We conform. We wear the uniform. We know the handshake, the secret knock on the door and the private password.
We are taught to mirror the actions and mannerisms of another person so they accept us as a reflection of themselves. We want acceptance and approval. We want to fit in. It is why as a teenager you may have tasted your first beer when you were at a party with friends. You probably hated it but kept sipping it until the taste was tolerable. You felt like you belonged. You felt like you were part of the cool kids.
We mimic the actions of others because we don’t feel worthy to be accepted and included unless we do. We adapt and accept the expectations that the group has for us to be a member.
Some of this is necessary. In kindergarten we learned how to stand in line, raise our hand, wait our turn and share in order to function in a space of civility and kindness. As we grew, we learned the basics of polite and compassionate living to be accepted as a member of our human society.
For many people the need to belong is an instinct - a requirement for human survival. It can push us to act in ways that feel uncomfortable or are out of character. When we bend and mold ourselves to be such a contorted version of who we are that we don’t recognize our own reflection in the mirror, it becomes a problem.
What if we could be ourselves? Our crazy, goofy, wild authentic self?
What if we looked at each other not with our eyes, but with our hearts? Can you drop the expectation you hold for yourself and others and be open to the exploration of who YOU are… of who THEY are?
Stand in your own light and learn to accept yourself. Find the people who will see YOU and love YOU. You may lose some people from your life who only liked you for who you were pretending to be. But when you step into your light and let yourself free to be who you really are, you will attract the people who should be standing with you. You will attract the people that love and adore the real you. You won’t have to work so hard to fit in. You will finally feel like you belong in a way you never have before.
Pennie’s Life Lesson: When you allow yourself to be the authentic person you really are, you will attract the people you are meant to be with.
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We are all on a search for "Emotional Benefits."
We all freely give
"I love you's" with the expectation that we will receive an I love you in return.
Everything we do, say, act on or experience is with the expectation of making us feel good, feel happy, feel important or feel loved.
Our need to connect and belong is a driver in life. Emotional benefit is attached.
Why do you think our world is so dependent on the buzzing of our cell phones? Because with every vibrational Tweet, every chiming phone call and every new friend request on Facebook we feel loved, needed, and wanted. We act with our heart and grab the phone!
Emotional benefit is attached.
Unfortunately, we do very little in life without the expectation of reciprocity. We have learned this mutual give and take expectation throughout our life.
If I pick you for the volley ball team, Iexpect you will pick me next time.
If I invite you to lunch, I expect you to invite me to lunch.
If I FRIEND you on Facebook, I expect you to Friend me.
If I tell you I love you, I expect you to tell me you love me.
We expect this mutual exchange.
Emotional benefit is attached.
Imagine if we took the expectation out of the equation. Imagine if we friended, liked and loved just for the joy of friending, liking and loving.
Imagine joyfully giving without the expectation of an obligatory comparable response.
I believe the real law of reciprocity should be based on our intent.
If your intent is ~
I will do this in order to receive that in return -- then you are living your life in a self-centered way.
If your intent is ~
I will do this with no expectation of return -- then you are living your life in an other-centered way.
You are making more deposits in the bank of emotional benefits than you expect to withdraw.
Then the magic happens.
By changing the expectation of reciprocity, the Emotional Benefit we give to others will increase. The conditions of the game will be removed. Your own Emotional Benefit account will begin to overflow.
It will become clear that by acting with our heart in an other-centered way the search for our own Emotional Benefits will begin and end with making others feel good, happy, important and loved.
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Pennie's Life Lesson:
“Unconditionally give and love
for the joy of giving and loving.”
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Pennie Heart to Heart
There is a certain magic about where I live both physically and spiritually – on the crossroads of Spirit and Brave.
PLEASE NOTE: This page does not provide medical or legal advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, treatment or services to you or to any other individual. Through this site and links to other sites, Pennie Hunt provides general information for inspiration, encouragement and educational purposes only. The information provided in this site, or through links to other sites, is not a substitute for legal, medical, or professional care, and you should not use the information in place of a visit, call or the advice of your lawyer, physician or other healthcare provider.