The Corner of Spirit & Brave

WILL THIS MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON?

9/28/2019

He insisted that he should buy the toy. After all, who doesn’t need a tiny dinosaur that you put in water and within 48 hours it grows to be 600 times its original size? Who wouldn’t want that?
The tears were growing in his 7 year-old-eyes and then his mother asked the magic question.
“Will having that toy make
YOU a better person?”

WHAT???
Who is thinking of that?
It’s the best toy in the universe.
This is life and death.
He wanted it and he wanted it now.

I prepared myself for the tears to roll, the screams to begin, and a suitable tantrum to be displayed.
But, it didn’t.
He stopped. Thought a minute. And replied,
“No, I guess not.”

This isn’t a story about kids, toys or tantrums.
This is a story about life lessons.
The life lessons I have learned from my daughter for the last 39 (+ 9 months) years of her sweet soul being in my world.

I add the 9 months because out of my 4 pregnancies, she was the easiest. I felt great and understood the “glow” that people refer to when you are pregnant. It was carrying her that taught me to enjoy the process and to slow down and appreciate the miracle of growing another human inside of my body.

I have watched her as she maneuvered being the middle child between two boys and most of the time she kept them in line.

I have watched how she finished college and fearlessly moved to a new state to begin a life in this big crazy world. And when she moved back, I knew it wasn’t because she wasn’t strong enough to be there. Maybe it was because she knew I wasn’t strong enough to be without her.

I cried as I watched her pick the perfect wedding dress and celebrated that she had chosen the perfect man to support her life and be her husband.

I have felt pride when she announced she was pregnant, felt joy when she handed me her first baby, and 3 years later felt deep concern when her petite body carried twins. She powered through the discomfort, gestational diabetes, shingles, and being confined to bed. And less than 12 hours after the twins were delivered 6 weeks early by emergency cesarean, she insisted on leaving the hospital and was in the car with me driving more than two hours to be at the children’s hospital where the babies had been transported.
For her, there was no question - the determination of her wanting to be with her premature babies, overseeing their care, outweighed the pain and risk to her own health.
Witnessing her strength through all of this was a lesson in overcoming fear.

I have watched how she processed the death of her younger brother and over the years has been a strong vital part of his daughter’s life.

I have watched her put her babies to bed and stay up late into the night to study, achieving her master’s degree and climbing the career ladder, ignoring the silliness of a glass ceiling.

For 39 years I have watched my beautiful daughter celebrate joyous occasions and handle tragedy. She has modeled strength, commitment, determination, and unconditional love.

When my daughter asked my grandson if that little toy would make him a better person, he put the toy back and chose a pair of binoculars.

They hung around his neck for days as he used them to see the world in a new way.

It was a small question, but it wasn’t a small moment. My daughter was teaching a life lesson.
She taught it to her son.
She taught it to me.
She taught both of us to see the world in a new way.

My sweet daughter, having YOU has made me a better person.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie’s Life Lesson:
“With every decision, action, and thought,
ask yourself, —
Will this make me a better person?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pennie Heart to Heart
WILL THIS MAKE ME
A BETTER PERSON

YOUR TURN
My intent in sharing this with you is to encourage you to think about what actions make you a better person -- and what actions don't.

Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below. And please feel free to email me at:
PennieHunt@gmail.com.
Thank you!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2013-2019 Pennie Hunt
This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post. Please keep the entire message intact, including contact, logo, and copyright information.

2 Comments

I Forgive Me!

9/20/2019

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There is a poem by
Mary Oliver that begins,

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
  for a hundred miles through the
desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of
your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I
will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.

Forgiveness is a big word and grows to the status of huge when it is prefaced with the word, self. Forgiving myself is easier to whisper than to accomplish. I say whisper because I would not be so bold as to shout to the world, I FORGIVE ME!

What confidence that would require to be so egoistic as to forgive ourselves! However, this is the most important kind of forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness is a demanding process. We must learn to step carefully on the stones of compassion and acceptance while shame, guilt, regret and judgment swirl around us. The stones are sharp and jagged as we maneuver our way, growing stronger through the struggle; learning a little here and a little there as we come closer to the green field of forgiveness that waits for us.

We don’t have to be proud of what we have done - and we have all done “it.” The “it” always relates to hurting others or ourselves. Then we put ourselves in continual critic mode of how bad we are and deserving of punishment. We chastise ourselves with ruthless determination holding ourselves to a higher standard than we do others. We replay a grander drama in our minds than the reality of “it” believing that what we did was catastrophic.

We create a self-imposed illusion of what others think of us. We construct ideas about ourselves from this illusion. The perceived assessment of others about our actions creates the vulnerability of outside judgment. At times our true fear is not our offense, but that someone will find out that we are living in shame.

Self-forgiveness is not easy. It is not healed instantly or permanently with the wave of a wand.

However, we deserve to treat ourselves with the same compassion we would someone we love. Each time you slip into the murky darkness of shame and guilt you are withholding love from yourself.

Pull yourself back.
Make amends to those who deserve it.
Then move forward.
Stop holding yourself as a hostage to the past.
Believe that external opinions are out of our control, none of our business and should hold no influence on our own self-acceptance.

Choose to love YOU.
See yourself through your own unconditionally loving eyes.

Remember...
  You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the
   desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of
   your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I
   will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie's Life Lesson:
“When you surrender to shame and guilt you are withholding love from yourself.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

YOUR TURN
My intent in sharing this with you is to forgive yourself. Let go of past regrets, guilt, and shame. Forgive others AND forgive yourself!

Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below. And please feel free to email me at:
PennieHunt@gmail.com.
Thank you!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2013-2019 Pennie Hunt
This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post. Please keep the entire message intact, including contact, logo, and copyright information.

0 Comments

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

9/14/2019

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It happened in Kmart.

It was one of those moments that I can never reproduce, but I will remember it forever as an opening point-- A moment that opened my heart, my understanding and my eyes to the power of forgiveness.

  “I blame you for nothing, I
     forgive you everything and I
will always love you.”

He looked shocked, confused and stunned as he stopped to look at me.
  “What?”
I repeated with a little more importance on always,
  “I blame you for nothing, I
   forgive you everything and I
will always love you.”

This time the face of my grown child turned to a delicious mixture of relief, acceptance and love. He dropped the bundle of socks, toiletries and food that he was holding in his arms into the shopping cart.
The hug was long, the tears honest and the meaning understood.

This is how forgiveness works.

I can easily forgive others for cutting in front of me in line, taking the parking spot I was clearly heading toward or for a snapping comment that I seem to be on the receiving end of.

I assume they are having a difficult day. You never know what the bubble over their head is holding, what is going on in their life, or what hurt they carry.

I am happy to report that I have successfully accomplished forgiveness with most people and circumstances in my life.

The disclaimer here is that I am a soul in progress.
My humanness allows for human emotions.
I have tried countless forgiveness methods, such as:

The Bury and Forget It Method;

The If I Don’t Talk About It, It Didn't Happen Method;

And the popular

This Person Doesn't Deserve Forgiveness, So I Am Going To Lock Them In A Box, Put Them On A Shelf To Occasionally Take Down And Kick Them Method.

Forgiveness is a life lesson I continually attempt to perfect.

The forgiveness challenge for me has been with those who have harpooned my heart in a penetrating way. When I helped someone, cared for them and trusted them to hold my heart in friendship or love, only to have them rip it from my chest, pierce it and then hand it back to me.
Is the expectation that I won’t feel the scar?

Even more difficult is when a perceived injustice is done to someone I love.
Is the expectation that I watch with no malice felt toward the offender?

That day in the shopping isle the answer became a clear,YES.

I came to understand that when you forgive, relief, acceptance and love become a two-way effort. My heart no longer carried the heavy weight of anger, betrayal and disappointment.
I no longer had to continue the painful circle of picking the scab to feel it bleed and begin to heal, only to begin the picking again.

When I felt the relief in me that day, the lightening of my spirit, and the release of the burden of carrying all those negative emotions, I realized that forgiving is a gift to myself. I emptied my heart of the dirty work of bitter resentment and opened more space for love.

When he heard my words and dropped his bundle into the shopping cart he also dropped his fear, shame and regrets and opened more space in his heart to love and be loved.

By forgiving, I am not condoning, excusing or pardoning another’s actions. I am not saying that in every circumstance I will forget or remove all awareness of the offense in an effort to reconcile a relationship. Some relationships are best left as a lesson in our past.

I am suggesting we begin looking at things differently and open our vision to see that blaming, resenting and revenge do more harm to ourselves than to others.
We are all learning from our humanness.
We all make mistakes.
We all feel shame.
We all inflict hurt.
None of us can say we haven’t wronged another.

It’s time we start seeing the power of forgiveness.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie’s Life Lesson:
“Forgiveness is a gift that opens more space for love – in you and others.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My intent in sharing this with you is to encourage you to forgive. Let go of past hurts. Forgive others AND forgive yourself!

Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below. And please feel free to email me at:
PennieHunt@gmail.com.
Thank you!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2013-2019 Pennie Hunt
This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post. Please keep the entire message intact, including contact, logo, and copyright information.

2 Comments

SOMETIMES I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU

9/8/2019

6 Comments

Sometimes I don’t want to think about you.
I want you out of my mind.
I want empty space.
I want a white screen.
I want a fresh canvas.
I want a blank page.

I don’t want to think about the day you were born. That look in your eye telling me more joy and pain than I could ever imagine was ahead of me.

I don’t want to think about your blonde baby hair and those killer brown eyes.

I don’t want to think about watching you ride your bouncy horse-- boots, chaps and hat on, swinging plastic guns and yelling, “Giddy up” as you flew across your imaginary world.

I don’t want to think about how many skateboards you went through, how we hung the broken ones on your bedroom wall like trophies and the surgical stitches that became your scars of honor.

I don’t want to think about home runs, hockey goals and potential.

I don’t want to think about fishing, hiking and camping trips.

I don’t want to think about balloons, parties and 22 years of blowing out candles.

I don’t want to think about the drumming, the singing, the music that spilled from you – and the music left inside.

I don’t want to think about the jokes, the joys, the fights, the I’m sorrys and the I Love Yous.

I don’t want to think about the days of celebration and the long nights of worry.

I don’t want to think about how your hugs felt. How your laugh sounded.

I don’t want to think about the phone call that ended the memory stream.

I don’t want to think about how you leaving shattered my heart. The strength it took to mold it back together and the unrepairable cracks left open where pain whistles through with every breath I take.

I don’t want to think about the tears, the regrets and the hurt.

I don’t want to think about that oak box,
the baskets of flowers
and your silent guitar.

I don’t want to think about everything that has happened since.

I don’t want to think about how many years I have ahead without you.

Sometimes I don’t want to think about you. I don’t want the constant pain. I don’t want the reminder of what I no longer have. I don’t want memories attaching to my every experience, my every move and my every breath.

I want empty space.
I want a white screen.
I want a fresh canvas.
I want a blank page --to rewrite the story.

Sometimes I don’t want to think about you.…
And then, I do.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie’s Life Lesson:
“Hold tightly to the people you love.
Someday you will only hold
thoughts of them.”

J.T.
Jameson Tanner
1-14-1985 - 9-13-2007

Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below. And please feel free to email me at:
PennieHunt@gmail.com.
Thank you!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2013-2019 Pennie Hunt
This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post. Please keep the entire message intact, including contact, logo, and copyright information.

6 Comments

WILL THIS MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON?

Pennie Heart to Heart
WILL THIS MAKE ME
A BETTER PERSON

I Forgive Me!

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

SOMETIMES I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU

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WILL THIS MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON?

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I Forgive Me!

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

SOMETIMES I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU

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Pennie Heart to Heart
WILL THIS MAKE ME
A BETTER PERSON