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SOMETIMES I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU

9/8/2019

6 Comments

 
Picture
Sometimes I don’t want to think about you.
I want you out of my mind.  
I want empty space.  
I want a white screen. 
I want a fresh canvas.  
I want a blank page. 

I don’t want to think about the day you were born.  That look in your eye telling me more joy and pain than I could ever imagine was ahead of me. 

I don’t want to think about your blonde baby hair and those killer brown eyes.

I don’t want to think about watching you ride your bouncy horse-- boots, chaps and hat on, swinging plastic guns and yelling, “Giddy up” as you flew across your imaginary world.

I don’t want to think about how many skateboards you went through, how we hung the broken ones on your bedroom wall like trophies and the surgical stitches that became your scars of honor. 

I don’t want to think about home runs, hockey goals and potential.

I don’t want to think about fishing, hiking and camping trips.

I don’t want to think about balloons, parties and 22 years of blowing out candles.

I don’t want to think about the drumming, the singing, the music that spilled from you – and the music left inside.

I don’t want to think about the jokes, the joys, the fights, the I’m sorrys and the I Love Yous.

I don’t want to think about the days of celebration and the long nights of worry. 

I don’t want to think about how your hugs felt. How your laugh sounded.

I don’t want to think about the phone call that ended the memory stream. 

I don’t want to think about how you leaving shattered my heart.  The strength it took to mold it back together and the unrepairable cracks left open where pain whistles through with every breath I take.

I don’t want to think about the tears, the regrets and the hurt. 

I don’t want to think about that oak box, 
the baskets of flowers
and your silent guitar.

I don’t want to think about everything that has happened since.

I don’t want to think about how many years I have ahead without you.

Sometimes I don’t want to think about you.  I don’t want the constant pain.  I don’t want the reminder of what I no longer have. I don’t want memories attaching to my every experience, my every move and my every breath.

I want empty space.  
I want a white screen. 
I want a fresh canvas. 
I want a blank page --to rewrite the story.
​
Sometimes I don’t want to think about you.…
     And then, I do. 

              ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie’s Life Lesson:
     “Hold tightly to the people you love.          
           Someday you will only hold
​                     thoughts of them.”

J.T.
Jameson Tanner

​1-14-1985  - 9-13-2007
Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below.  And please feel free to email me  at:
                PennieHunt@gmail.com. 
                          Thank you!  
                ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

                               All Rights Reserved
                 Copyright © 2013-2019 Pennie Hunt
         This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
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6 Comments
Abbie link
9/8/2019 05:59:54 am

Thank you for sharing this. I feel it deeply. 10 months in.

Reply
Pennie Hunt
9/16/2019 05:31:23 pm

Abbie, My heart breaks for you - my heart breaks with you. Big hugs my sister in grief!

Reply
Jim Phillips link
9/8/2019 06:15:44 am

Penny, when I read this I was unable to imagine how you feel. Yes, there were tears as I did so because your words are so poignant. They did evoke memories of my own son that I had not thought of in quite some time. I am blessed in that he is still with me, however your words illustrate the importance of "being with those you love and hold dear while physical being with them is possible." There is no doubt in my heart that even though JT and you are not "being together in the physical sense he is and always will be a part of your being." Much love my friend.

Reply
Pennie Hunt
9/16/2019 05:30:36 pm

Jim,
Thank you so much for these thoughts! I am so thrilled when my writing makes people think about people in their own life. Much love back to you!

Reply
Jan Dunn
9/13/2019 06:14:58 pm

Pennie Hunt, Pennie Hunt.....as I live and breathe....I am SO THRILLED to see your name and feel the sweet you that I have missed for so long. I have received and cherished every piece of mail that you have sent me......and I shall not elaborate on my not responding as I certainly should have!! My life, for the last 39 years has been quite impossible to believe. Like you... I want to remember some of it.
I’m so pleased to hear of your writings. I’m also quite pleased that you are my neighbor. This neighborhood is quite fine for people that are ready for some peace and the experiences of love, gratitude, and indeed bravery❣️
WELCOME my love🕊🌺💗

Reply
Pennie
9/16/2019 05:29:22 pm

Oh Jan!!! Please email me - PennieHunt@gmail.com
We have way more to catch up on than this note can hold!
Much love!

Reply

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    Author

    There is a certain magic about where I live both physically and spiritually – on the crossroads of Spirit and Brave. 

    It seems appropriate that my writings be found under the sign that locates my life.  I wish for all of you the ability to live in your Spirit to experience a life filled with love and gratitude and be Brave in the learning of your life lessons. 

    Enjoy!
            Pennie


     

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  • Home
  • Blog~ Corner of Spirit & Brave
  • BOOKS
  • BIO
  • Presentations
  • Social media
  • Contact Pennie
  • Love-Life
  • Pennie's Ponderings ~ Quotes
  • Pennie's Life Lessons
  • Videos
  • Pennie in the News
  • Meditations
  • Testimonials
  • UPCOMING EVENTS