Have you heard of the Stanford marshmallow experiment? It was a study on delayed versus instant gratification. In this study, children were offered a choice between one marshmallow, that they could eat as an immediate reward, or if they waited a short period of time without eating the marshmallow they would be given a second one. The children who patiently held on to the first one enjoyed the delayed gratification of eating two marshmallows. It was an interesting observation of human behavior.

The speed of our world puts our lives on a mind-swirling treadmill. We have been trained to move fast, accomplish now and not sit still or wait for anything. We want and expect instant gratification.

We run from one event to the next, one occasion to the next and one obligation to the next.

Our kids are entrenched in going to school, participating in sports and other activities. Parents are busy keeping them occupied and maintaining their children’s schedules.

Add that to the obligations of our careers, taking care of our home and families and the expectation of volunteering. Then there are the extra things in life like trying to have fun or take care of ourselves. This spins the hamster wheel of speed and commitment faster.

This speeding through life has taught us to expect everything instantly. We send a text and then stare at our phones. We expect a response in two seconds. When we send an email if it hasn’t been answered in an hour, we become impatient. What’s wrong? Aren’t others just sitting at their computer waiting to answer us?

We are so busy that we rush through planning holidays, weddings and other events without enjoying the process. In the stress of hurried preparation, we miss the excitement and thrill of anticipation.

Then we have this thing called FOMO - fear of missing out - because we want to be everywhere doing everything with everyone all at the same time.

This speed and fear have taught us to want and expect instant gratification. It has taught us to give instant gratification. When we receive a text we stop everything to answer because that’s the way the world works. We want our food fast, our bank deposits to be instant, our communication immediate and our lives seamless.
Do you remember two short years ago when we all sheltered in place? Life seemed to slow to a standstill. At the time I believed the universe was teaching us lessons. Forcing us to slow down. Forcing us to be grateful for the moment we were in. Forcing us to learn patience and enjoy the process instead of jumping from one outcome to the next. It was an unusually quiet time.

Today I drove through traffic dodging cars controlled by intense drivers rushing to their destinations. I heard texts chime on my phone and scanned the list of emails that were delivered within the last hour. I looked at my calendar filled with appointments and obligations. The speed has returned. The fear of missing out has returned. The rush to the finish line has returned.

I will admit that as a child if I was given a marshmallow, I would have probably eaten it and not waited for the second one. Maybe I still would. But as I write this today, I believe we need to revisit the lessons we didn’t learn well enough during the quiet time.

We need to recognize that a leisurely phone call is better than a hasty text. We need to understand that very few things are so important that they should be allowed to interrupt the natural flow of our lives.

We need to appreciate that an event is over in a blink and the preparation and anticipation can be more powerful and more exciting than the event itself.
We need to slow down. The need for instant gratification has taken away the sweet luxury of enjoying life. We need to put as much joy and love into relishing the process as we do whatever the event or the experience is – even if it is just eating a marshmallow.
​
Pennies Life Lesson:
​Lessons can be forgotten quickly. Allow what you learn to seep into the very being of who you are and how you live. If you don’t, you will be taught the lesson again.

YOUR TURN...        
Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below.  And please feel free to email me  at:
 [email protected]. 
                                                Thank you!  ​
                                      ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                                         All Rights Reserved
                                          Copyright © 2013-2022 Pennie Hunt
                             This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post.  Please keep the entire message intact, including  contact, logo, and copyright information. ​

Who am I when I am not who I used to be?
Who am I when my world has totally changed and everything I knew is gone?
Who am I when I don’t know who I am anymore?
 
It was more than a decade ago. I was sitting in my home office looking out the window and my phone began chiming with an incoming call. It was one of my son’s friends. I was excited to hear his voice and thankful that he had kept in touch with me since my son’s passing. He asked how I was doing and then he told me he would be graduating from college soon and was working on his resume. He asked if he could use me as a reference. My heart smiled as I thanked him for thinking of me and yes, yes of course he could. Then he asked the question,
               “What should I put down as your title?” 
I pushed away from my desk and forced my chair to lean back to catch the breath that had just been sucked from my chest.  What is my title? Who am I?

I had worked another year after my son passed, but it never felt right. I felt disconnected. I had been through the most horrific time of my life and knew I needed to use my experiences to help others. It had been a few months since I had resigned from my executive position and I was not yet sure how my plan to be a speaker and writer would fall into place. I had given myself a year to figure out what my new work would look like. I knew what my title used to be. I knew who I used to be. But sitting in that moment, I was not sure who I was now.

I quietly paused on the phone while my mind held on to the bar of a trapeze that swung between the old me and the new me on the other side- afraid I might fall if I let go. Finally, I answered by telling him to state that I was the former Executive Director of the organization that I led for many years. When we said goodbye, he was satisfied with that. I wasn’t.

I knew I wanted to write and speak. I knew I was going to help people. I believed that all I had been through in my life was training for this new work. I didn’t know how it would play out, but I knew it would. For a long time I lived in the comfortable stability of what used to be. I used to be an Executive Director. Anything else didn’t feel real. 

Then I began visualizing my new life, my new work and my new title. I practiced saying, I am a speaker and a writer. It took me a while to let go of that trapeze bar, swing freely in the untethered gap and begin creating who I was going to be on the other side.

After many speaking events and a lot of writing, I felt confident enough to own the title of Speaker/Writer. I was at an event when someone asked me what I did for work when I realized it was more than speaking and writing. I answered with, “I help people Love Their Life- NO MATTER WHAT!”

“Tell me more,” they said. 
​This opened a long conversation about how I do this. It allowed me to explain my speaking, books, blog, newspaper columns and my personal reason for doing the work I do. It was at that moment that I realized exactly who I am. I had created my mission, my work and my new life.

At some point we all find ourselves at a tipping point in life. When careers change, when death, divorce or retirement happens you may start asking the same questions that I did.
Who am I when I am not who I used to be? Who am I when my world has totally changed and everything I knew is gone? Who am I when I don’t know who I am anymore?

There are new answers. There can be a new you. Let go of the past and spend some time in the open space to allow opportunities and creativity to grow. You can change what you do, how you do it and who you are at any point in your life. You may not create the circumstance that leads to the questions, but you can create the answers.

Pennie’s Life Lesson: You can change who you are, what you do and how you do it.
                                          Be brave enough to begin again.

YOUR TURN...        
Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below.  And please feel free to email me  at:
 [email protected]. 
                                                Thank you!  ​
                                      ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                                         All Rights Reserved
                                          Copyright © 2013-2022 Pennie Hunt
                             This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post.  Please keep the entire message intact, including  contact, logo, and copyright information. ​

     "I'll try to make myself as small as possible,"  she said as she pulled her arms close to her body and settled into the middle seat between me and the man sleeping by the window.
 
When I fly, I have learned to take the aisle seat when I can. It allows me to exit quickly when the plane lands and to have one side free, giving the perception of more space. At times I enjoy the window seat, but I really hate the dreaded middle seat. That is the space that sandwiches you in with no room to lean, stretch, or relax. A flight in the middle seat can be agony.
 
When my new seatmate made her comment, I laughed and responded with some fluffy chit-chat about how the middle seat is a tough one to sit in.
 
The plane took off.
I put my earphones on.
Pretzels were delivered. 
 
The comment floated in my head… I'll try to make myself as small as possible.
 
I thought about how many times I had done that in life. How often I had made myself small to allow room for others to have the space they need, to be comfortable, to spread their wings, to shine in the spotlight even if it was at the expense of my own comfort.
 
An honorable thing to do, right?
 
Well, yes, it can be at the right moment, for the right reason. The problem is it can become a habit. If you constantly pull back into the shadow of others you are not allowing your soul to shine. The beauty of YOU is hidden. The gifts you were brought here to share will never be known. I believe we are here to stretch our souls. To learn. To teach. To love. 

We cannot do this with our arms pulled in forcing our bodies to contort into a small version of our real selves. We cannot do this if we sit in silence or speak in whispers without shouting our message to the world. We cannot do this if we huddle into smallness without standing tall, reaching our arms up and claiming the space and spotlight we deserve.
 
We are all worthy of a space large enough to hold us. Large enough to hold our ideas, our desires, our hopes, our needs, our ambition and our successes. Large enough to hold our message, our love and our light. Everyone deserves a seat on this trip through life. Don’t bind yourself into a partial version of who you really are. Don't make yourself small to make someone else seem big.
 
Stand tall. 
Put those arms up.
Speak your message.
Celebrate who and what you love.
Honor your successes by creating more.
Allow your soul to shine in the spotlight of life.
Only then will you gift the world with the real you.
The YOU that you were sent here to be.
The YOU that was sent here to be shared.
Only then will the real YOU be loved.
                              ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pennie's Life Lesson: Don't make yourself small to make someone else seem big.
​                              ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

YOUR TURN...        
Share your thoughts and experiences relating to this post in a comment below.  And please feel free to email me  at:
 [email protected]. 
                                                Thank you!  ​
                                      ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                                         All Rights Reserved
                                          Copyright © 2013-2022 Pennie Hunt
                             This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
Feel free to forward and share this post.  Please keep the entire message intact, including  contact, logo, and copyright information. ​