I FORGIVE ME!

 I FORGIVE ME!  
​
There is a poem by
Mary Oliver that begins,                

          You do not have to be good.
          You do not have to walk on your knees
          For a hundred miles through the
            desert, repenting.
          You only have to let the soft animal of
            your body love what it loves.
          Tell me about despair, yours, and I
            will tell you mine.
          Meanwhile the world goes on.

Forgiveness is a big word and grows to the status of huge when it is prefaced with the word, self.  Forgiving myself is easier to whisper than to accomplish.  I say whisper because I would not be so bold as to shout to the world, I FORGIVE ME!  

What confidence that would require to be so egoistic as to forgive ourselves!  However this is the most important kind of forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness is a demanding process. We must learn to step carefully on the stones of compassion and acceptance while shame, guilt, regret and judgment swirl around us. The stones are sharp and jagged as we maneuver our way, growing stronger through the struggle; learning a little here and a little there as we come closer to the green field of forgiveness that waits for us.  

We don’t have to be proud of what we have done – and we have all done “it.”  The “it” always relates to hurting others or ourselves. Then we put ourselves in continual critic mode of how bad we are and deserving of punishment.  We chastise ourselves with ruthless determination holding ourselves to a higher standard than we do others. We replay a grander drama in our minds than the reality of “it”,believing that what we did was catastrophic.  

We create a self-imposed illusion of what others think of us.  We construct ideas about ourselves from this illusion.  The perceived assessment of others about our actions creates the vulnerability of outside judgment.  At times our true fear is not our offense, but that someone will find out that we are living in shame.  

Self-forgiveness is not easy.  It is not healed instantly or permanently with the wave of a wand. 

However, we deserve to treat ourselves with the same compassion we would someone we love.  Each time you slip into the murky darkness of shame and guilt you are withholding love from yourself.  

Pull yourself back.
Make amends to those who deserve it. 
Then move forward.
Stop holding yourself as a hostage to the past.
Believe that external opinions are out of our control, none of our business and should hold no influence on our own self-acceptance.

Choose to love YOU.
See yourself through your own unconditionally loving eyes.  

Remember…
          You do not have to be good.
          You do not have to walk on your knees
          For a hundred miles through the
            desert, repenting.
          You only have to let the soft animal of
            your body love what it loves.
          Tell me about despair, yours, and I
            will tell you mine.
          Meanwhile the world goes on.
                ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 Pennie's Life Lesson:
“When you surrender to shame and guilt
 you are withholding love from yourself.”      

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         This was written and produced by Pennie Hunt.
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