At 19 I jumped in the front seat of the craziest, scariest, most exhilarating roller coaster ride of my life. BAM! I Became A Mom!
I was mature, smart, and ready to take on the world. (Weren’t we all at 19?) Little did I know that being a mom would be the most rewarding, life-changing, ride I would ever jump into.
And jump I did, not once, but four times.
Everyone watched me do it.
And no one warned me about what was ahead – the ups, the downs, the jerks, the curves, and the whiplashing shocks.
My own mother didn’t even hold up the "CAUTION“CAUTION PROCEED WITH CARE” sign!
She never told me the BAM of Being A Mom was a life jolt. She never told me the secrets.
She never told me that being a mom opens your heart to a love that you could never imagine. The birthing and cutting of a physical umbilical cord that attaches you human-to-human in no way cuts the invisible golden cords that attach you heart-to-heart. Their body may birth to the world an independent being, but a piece of this new soul is forever kept inside and connected to you.
She never told me that being a mom makes you vulnerable in a way you have NEVER been before. You open yourself to being dropped to your knees by your child’s tears, broken hearts, and disappointments.
Their pain is your pain.
She never told me that being a mom means you will never sleep again. Well, never the same way you slept prior to the BAM. You may be prepared for the first months of sleep deprivation caused by night diaper changes and bottles that will soon pass.
What you aren’t ready for is the rest of your life sleeping with one ear half-open to hear their cries from a nightmare, moans from a fever, and footsteps as your teenager sneaks in the house past curfew.
What you don’t know is long after they have grown and moved out of your home, you will sleep with a part of your heart open hoping they are safe, happy, and loved.
You will never sleep fully again.
She never told me that being a mom is a 24 hour, 7 days a week, forever occupation.
No vacation days,
No sick leave and
Once you accept the position you are locked in heart, mind, and soul – FOR LIFE!
**She never even whispered that it is a job you will love with all of your heart – and some days you won’t. On those days, you will peak at their sleeping faces and then wrap yourself in a cocoon of guilt and shame for allowing yourself to hate the job you love.
She never told me that being a mom brings you trophy words like Pride, Joy, and Happiness that you can hang on your wall in an expression of motherhood.
It also brings you words like Anger, Hurt, and Exhaustion that, in an attempt to hide your fear of inadequacy, you swallow and tuck in your belly hiding them so no one sees.
She never told me that being a mom makes you strong enough to endure the unthinkable.
You take on the risk of being told the baby you carry no longer has a heartbeat and you must be strong enough to walk out of the hospital carrying an empty blanket.
You take on the risk of birthing, nurturing, and loving your child for years and then receiving the phone call that they are gone. In both cases holding tightly to the golden cords that now reach to your angel child.
She never told me that being a mom makes you understand that you will be joyous when your daughter is grown and has children of her own. You will watch through tears and laughter as she learns for herself, the unspoken secrets of being a mom.
Looking back, I would tell that naïve, 19-year-old girl, who thought she knew it all, to jump.
Jump with all the love, anticipation, and joy she has because through all the ups and downs being a mom is the most amazing ride she will ever be on.
And through it all, she will learn the unspoken code of never saying out loud the secret lessons of Being A Mom.
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Pennie’s Life Lesson:
“Moms are the gentle holders of our hearts. Hold theirs in return.”
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There is a certain magic about where I live both physically and spiritually – on the crossroads of Spirit and Brave.
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