THE LOST DAY
I lost my day.
It began in the normal way.
Glass of water.
Cup of coffee.
Then... I lost it.
My day became an endless loop of wondering what I should do. Not wanting to do anything. Feeling disappointed in myself that I was not accomplishing, achieving, or making an impact, I walked from window to window looking out at the world feeling lost. I did not have a plan for the day. I was uneasy. Restless. Uncertain.
And then, it was over.
I lost my day.
Now, holding a brand-new day in my grasp and enjoying all that comes with it, I look back on that day and realize I occasionally experience what I call A Lost Day. A day lost in time that I wasted.
I’m not talking about a day spent reading or relaxing, which I find necessary to rejuvenate both mind and soul and is far from wasted. A Lost Day is spent spinning and twirling in indecision. Not being able to focus on a desire. Feeling like I hold no control over my life or the world outside.
In my self-analyzation, I uncovered this...
I was raised in a military family where it was ingrained in my DNA to work hard, accomplish, and achieve. I often find myself at the end of a day spewing a list of "completion." From laundry to writing, I do a mental review of what I did to add value during the day. Could it be possible if I don’t “do” I must not be of value?
Our minds are funny little puzzles consisting of pieces created at birth with more picked up as we journey through life. We maneuver the unchangeable ones to create a frame. All other misshaped pieces are turned and tried until they fit together to create the picture of our lives.
Over time we may crinkle and bend a piece or two and might even lose one, but the frame remains the landing pad. The secret code of our belief system’s DNA.
Here is the thing...
Although I was raised with the core value of hard work and accomplishment, I was NEVER taught that without doing that I was not of value. That became one of the internal puzzle pieces that my mind created and connected to another piece as I built my life. So of course, when I have a day of spinning in indecision, I feel useless and wasteful. I experience the frustration of a Lost Day.
Now to make it even worse, during this time of uncertainty in our world, many of us may think we have lost a day, a summer, and possibly the entire year. Our thoughts and movements are tempered with caution and restrictions. Holding control of our feelings, actions, and focus is more difficult than ever before.
Our mind is trying to process the events that we cannot control in the world, by organizing these events like they are jumbled puzzle pieces. We believe they should fit together in a logical form - but they don’t. It is no wonder how easily we can lose a day spinning in this loss of control.
For me, the next time I experience a Lost Day, I will at least understand what is happening. I will try to lean into it with the knowing of why it is happening and the understanding of how my emotions are reacting.
As I write this, I sit in self-satisfaction for solving the puzzle. Finding the piece that skews my life picture and creates a Lost Day.
Today I accomplished!
I made an impact - if only in my own life.
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Pennie's Life Lesson:
“Pay attention to the puzzle pieces that create the picture of your life. Don’t force pieces to fit where they don’t belong.”
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