I bought one ticket.
I bought the large popcorn and drink combo.
I sat in the last row. Middle seat.
I had never done this before.
There is something about seeing movies in a theater. The big-screen mesmerizes me. The sound swallows me. The popcorn tastes like it could be the last gourmet meal of my life – to me it’s that good. I love going to a movie theater, but I had never in my life gone alone.
There was a movie I wanted to see. The timing wasn’t right. No one wanted to see it with me, so I thought I would have to wait until it was out as a rental.
The movie chased around in my thoughts. It was about someone who had lost a child like I have. Of course, that is what drew me to it. The common thread. The curiosity. I wondered if the movie would portray my thoughts and feelings. I wondered if I would learn something I didn’t already know about grief. It followed me around pulling my heart along, not allowing me to push it away. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to see the movie.
Driving an hour to the shopping area, my whole body smiled. The entire day was mine. A day of “me” time. After a little shopping and lunch at my favorite place, the movie flashed in my mind. I quickly looked on my phone. It was playing at a budget theater nearby and I had just enough time to make it there. But…I had never done this before -- gone to a movie alone. Is that weird? Is it weird that I am kind of afraid to do this? Is it strange that this movie has such a grasp on me, constantly taking space in my thoughts? My fear played ping-pong with the movie.
The movie won.
The back row wasn’t bad. It felt safe. No one could see me – or the giant bucket of popcorn I balanced on my lap. At 1:00 in the afternoon on a weekday there were 6 other people there to share my theater. None of them came alone. Except me.
I shut off my phone. Two hours went quickly. The movie was amazing. I cried. I hurt. At times I wanted to shout at the screen. There were moments I wanted to pray. I understood why I needed to see the movie. The message was for me.
I sat in my seat until the last credit rolled, the lights were bright and the workers came in to clean up any abandoned popcorn buckets.
A few things became very clear.
It was clear to me that I would not have received the message the movie brought to me if I hadn’t listened to my heart pushing me to see it.
It was clear to me that although going to a movie alone may seem like a silly fear to some, it was real to me. Walking into that theater was empowering. It was clear I had missed opportunities in my life when I allowed fear to win.
It was clear to me that I did need to see the movie. I needed to see it alone. I needed to be able to cry alone. I needed to absorb the meaning of the movie’s message - alone.
Life is magical how it manipulates us, bringing us messages we need to hear, putting us in places we need to be, pushing us to do things that we are afraid to do. All of it is done with the intent of giving us clarity.
And yes, I ate the entire bucket of popcorn.
Pennie’s Life Lesson: “Listen when life is pulling, pushing and prodding you to do something that stirs fear. Until you walk into it, you will never fully gain understanding, clarity and strength.”
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There is a certain magic about where I live both physically and spiritually – on the crossroads of Spirit and Brave.
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