When my kids were small, I would tell them the worst thing they could do was lie to me. I explained that we could get through any mistake they made, problem they had, or whatever happened in life, if they told the truth. If they had problems at school, didn’t finish their homework, or started an argument with their sibling we could work it out if they told the truth. Lying about what happened was the worst offense and they knew it.
Now my kids are grown and are doing an amazing job of parenting their own children. Recently as I was sharing this lesson with my grandchildren, I realized that lying to me wouldn’t be the worst offense they could do. Lying to themselves could be more harmful.
The most dangerous and damaging lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Our mind can be a powerful manipulator. It tries to feed us negative thoughts constantly. Thoughts that stifle our self-confidence and smother our dreams.
This part of our mind is an internal bully that beats us up. It punches us by saying things like - you are not attractive enough, smart enough, or worthy enough. We start to believe that we aren’t qualified enough for that job promotion, we aren’t smart enough to express our opinions, and we aren’t interesting or appealing enough to have the relationship of our dreams. We miss opportunities because we fear the lies are true. Is any of it true? No. It is the fictitious imagination of our brain bully.
The brain bully tells us to do things because after all what harm is there? We listen to the bully in our head that insists that what we do isn’t hurting anyone. So, we make bad choices. We do things that we know are not right. If no one knows we are doing it, we aren’t hurting anyone. But is that true? No, we are hurting a very important person…ourselves.
Our brain bully tells us lies that sound like the truth. This type of negative self-talk works so well because the lies are massaged and molded into a convincing narrative. It is repeated and repeated until we believe it. We pull back from our dreams. We accept what we are given in life and believe we are not deserving of more. We believe the lies we tell ourselves.
The brain bully is part of us. An ugly, unreliable, untrustworthy, controlling part of us. Call it your brain bully or give it a name- Fred, Marsha, Anabell… whatever you want to call the bully that feeds you negative thoughts. Start listening to your thoughts and soon you will recognize the truth from the brain bully’s ridiculous rhetoric. You will begin to catch the thoughts that don’t pass the does-this-make-sense test. You will begin to reject the lies that are disguised as the truth.
The more you push back your brain bully the quieter it will become. The more you ignore it and move forward with your dreams the less power it will have. It will no longer hold you hostage to its nonsensical banter. Your fear will disappear, and your confidence muscle will grow. Without the constant lies your self-esteem will increase and life will become a clear and clean place for you to explore.
Lies are harmful things, but the most dangerous and damaging lies are the ones we tell ourselves. We believe and trust ourselves more than any other person. So, when we hear our mind talk we want to believe that it is telling us the truth. We don’t want to believe it would lie to us, but that brain bully does.
Now take a minute and think… what was the biggest lie you have told yourself?
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Pennie’s Life Lesson:
Don’t listen to negative self-talk.
The most dangerous and damaging lies are the ones we tell ourselves.
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