This is the way the conversation went...
“Who orders the pizza?”
“Well, she calls and orders it.”
“No, I mean who decides what kind of pizza to order?”
“We always have sausage.”
“Does she like sausage?”
“Sure, I guess.”
“But you are not sure. Maybe she is conceding to you. Maybe she is resenting it. Maybe she hates sausage pizza.”
He pondered this the rest of the afternoon. That evening during dinner, my husband asked me an unusual question.
“What kind of pizza do you like?”
He had never asked me before. I had to think about it. It took me a while to answer. I had picked sausage off the pizza for so long I didn’t remember what kind of pizza I really did like. I began questioning myself. If I could order any kind of pizza, what would I choose for ME?
I don’t think this is an uncommon scenario. Many times it is easier to concede and let another person have what they want.
We do it out of love for them – we want them to be happy.
We do it out of avoidance- we don’t want to argue.
We do it because it really doesn’t matter that much to us.
We do it because we have done it for so long it becomes a habit. – A dangerous habit.
On the other side, it is easy not to notice that someone is always giving in to our needs. That their needs are not being met. That resentment may be building under the facade of agreement. Maybe it is just pizza. Maybe it is pizza, ice cream, what movie to go to, where to have dinner, where to vacation, which car to buy... This could go on and on and the layering of conceding to another’s wants and desires can create an issue much, much larger than a pizza.
What is the “pizza” in your life - in your relationships? Are there issues you need to talk about? When we begin paying attention to this kind of give and take.... or give and give situation, it becomes obvious that there are solutions. Simple solutions.
My husband and I now order two pizzas. One sausage for him. One chicken and pineapple for me. Yes, I LOVE chicken and pineapple on my pizza. Preferably with extra sauce and extra cheese. The solution was so easy.
Now we both get what we want. There is no conceding. There is no resentment. There is compromise. There is cooperation. There is respect for both of our needs and wants. And there are always leftovers for lunch the next day.
Pennie’s Life Lesson:
“Pay attention to “give and take” vs “give and give” situations in life.
Don’t be afraid to order your own pizza!”
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